Before you start reading, if you think am I coming out of coma and asking this question or am I in some sort of hallucination, what am I asking? Let me clear, everything is good at my end and I’m all in my senses. Please take it on a lighter note.
It started with a quest of knowing who am I, when I was just about 16. I started asking others about my qualities they like or dislike, what should I change in me. I learnt that people won’t tell me about it and if they would, they would do it very guardedly. So, this way isn’t going to help me out. I started looking within, but failed. May be, I being young, didn’t had well developed thought process. I started with where I’m going wrong or what lacks in me or what needs to be changed. This went on, but I was not finding my answer. I kept thinking, observing and adding to the list of my qualities, my faults, my likes, dislikes. I digressed many a times, got back to track also. But even after so many years, I haven’t quenched my thirst.
I knew that I’m not just the identity I give to others. If today, I’m daughter of someone, tomorrow will be wife and mother and sister and so on. Nor am I a designer or a teacher or consultant and so on. Because these identities change with situations. Nor am I my thoughts or imagination or feelings and emotions, coz these all too change. Nor am I this body, eventually that too isn’t going to stay or for that matter, it changes when we are young to when we get old. So again, who am I?
It’s quite difficult to get this answer. But as we move, we imbibe many ideologies and become what we think is right and create our own characteristic board (like we have our vision boards).
Likewise, iLife has jolted me many a times and I’ve always found something new in me. That way I’ve seen many versions
(developed versions), but not exactly who I am. Whatever I see in me, I feel that isn’t a complete me. I’ve understood I’m not what our mind develops and becomes whatever we read or listen or experience throughout life. But it’s more beyond that.
But I know one thing for sure …..Answer lies within me.
And for that matter, EVERY Answer lies within ME.
Few other things I can say I’ve learnt are:
- You get what you truly deserve, where your sub-conscious goes. Saying or asking is a different thing. You might not get what you ask for. But you surely will get what you desire, what your heart asks. So better listen and word towards it.
- It’s always better to look within and find faults, rather than the opposite.
- If you give, you surely will get, mostly in multiples.
- Whenever in trouble, view things as a third party, look at it as some movie is going on. Let things just be.
- Help others, love others as much as you can. But draw a line when negative emotions like jealousy, hatred, possessiveness, etc gets in. Self-love is important.
- Work on yourself and shut up. (I’m skeptical for using this language, but this is what I’ve learnt)
- Try to break your limiting beliefs and see other perspectives.
- Always have at least one reason to stay on
- Life always moves, whether you do or don’t.
- And most importantly – ONLY I CAN HELP MYSELF.
I am still in the search of me and I’ve faith that I’ll make it one day.
I sometimes wonder if I’m indirectly searching for moksha.
Anyways, ending with one of my favorite quotes…